Cruel to be kind

My mom never ceases to amaze me. Just when I think she can’t know anymore she regales me with another new anecdote. She mentioned about the OSHO spiritual talks to be once and I was sceptical as always about these spiritual groups but curious nonetheless. A quick search on my beloved youtube and presto!, I was listening to some of their stuff, and what I heard really made me think. The concept was simple enough – to truly discover the treasures within oneself and believe me when I say we all have them and to be able to give off ourselves we must first become selfish. Hold on, don’t judge me as yet, I was as taken aback by this as you probably are now. Society and religion have always drilled into us the perception that ‘selflessness’ alone can provide salvation. But the more I thought about this the more I could see the light at the end of the tunnel as it were.

How many times have we all done what we perceived as a “Selfless Act” for a loved one or a friend and then been left feeling disappointed and disillusioned because it was not appreciated let alone reciprocated. Can an act be truly selfless if we expect even a “thanks” at the end of it? Not really and in reality even loving our children should be purely for the security and comfort that it provides them without any expectations at the other end.

Many of us enter our marriages having said the proverbial “I Do “and often find ourselves asking “Do I” later. This often is not a reflection of how happy your marriage is or how much love exists, all it really seems to suggest is how little you know yourself. I went straight from my parent’s house to my husbands and with equal haste was also faced with the daunting prospect of becoming a mother at the age of 24. Looking back now I can see that I was nothing more than a child myself who didn’t have a clue who the hell she was or what she wanted. In hindsight I can see this is why I constantly felt like I was on a runaway rollercoaster not really sure if I should stay on to go wherever fate takes me or risk it and jump.

But now 10 years on, with the very near possibility of my first grey hair, God forbid, I think I have come close to finding the answer – took me long enough! It’s simple really when we take the time out for ourselves and understand who we really are – what we like and what makes us truly happy only then can we even contemplate giving happiness to others. Otherwise every time we give of ourselves we are only left feeling more empty and clueless then when we started.

So the next time you feel betrayed or letdown by someone, ask yourself the question - Why? Is it your fault or the clueless culprit’s?

Let's finish with a flourish by quoting Shakespeare “To thine oneself be true…”